So, my last update is 2 month ago and I haven't really been doing any posts because I don't really have friends that need to hear my updates (plus, it's not like I am having a wild life... not wild enough I guess). I have very limited number of friends, and they are all sort of here in Toronto, accessible using msn, phone or by just going to their place. Anyways, I thought it'd be good to keep track of what I was doing and what my thoughts were before I forget them, memories makes like seem longer afterall.

Since my last update, my name change failed because: 1, I don't have a birth certificate and 2, I don't have the name change record. So I have to head down to the Japanese embassy tomorrow or next week to get that shit printed again and I have to send a letter to the name change office to get them to find my name change record. Well, by September, I hope to be Kazuya Monokuro. 

I got a job at Fin Izakaya right on Eglinton station. It's a pretty good job considering the fact that I could've got much worse. I worked there for 2 weeks now, I already got use to the environment and the people there really like me (because I am acting innocent and cute). Got my first paycheck the day before yesterday and I am looking forward to getting a higher position, like a head waiter.... I guess... so I can get paid more  =3 

So... Frisk is busy doing his Dame comic and it is really hard for me to not to bother him. If I go to his place say about 9PM, I distract him until 3AM in the morning and we wake up (get out of bed) almost at noon, he then will suffer from 2 days of sleep pattern mess up and it will affect his comic. Well, he is staying with his parents for a bit longer so I am getting a place alone... I am hoping in the future, we can move in together in an apartment.

Right now, I am moving in next wednesday in this basement 5 min from my work. No stove, the laundry is downstairs so the landlord will come down once in a while but I get the whole basement, the place is furnished, I get free utilities, wireless, TV, xbox and the place is only 500 a month. The landlord doesn't want me to bring people over and have sex... I agreed to her saying that I won't bring girls *wink*. I really will make it clear to her that she cannot step into the basement while I am there unless I give her the permission, on top of that, Iam going to install a set of curtains so that the bed and the desk is hidden... hopefully, nothing will go wrong...

And that's about it... I'm pretty tired... watching arrested development which is hilarious.
I'll keep watching since the 54 minute wait time is over.

I am getting a name change :3

I've filled the forms, I've paid the money and all I need to do now is to sign a paper infront a commissioner which one of my friend Loken is helping me out with. I am changing my name into Kazuya [Monokuro] Le Grey. I donno why, it's the only thing that I can think of, if I start to hate it in the future, oh well, too bad for me.

Few more weeks of school and life is gonna change big time, hopefully I can get a job that will pay me enough to get a two bedroom apartment in downtown with Frisk. I have a general plan and a pretty good idea to how much I am going to spend every month. I have the worst case scenario and the best. It's almost a 1000 dollar difference *laughs*. 

Other than that, I went to Waterloo last weekend, which was fun, and came back to Toronto yesterday with two random furs who were going to the fur meet at Center Island. I didn't like the fur meet and left right away... people there had a totally different frequency than mine and I was uncomfortable staying there. Later that night, Frisk and I decided to go there again but we ended up just walking around the city, which was really fun and enjoyable. Night is always beautiful in a city other than the fact that hoboes kept asking us for money, one of them even called me a chink. But it was totally worth the walk.

I wish I can do it more often with people, not only Frisk. Ah well, I'll have tons of time to do it during exam and after. Right now, I just gotta study for the next two weeks.

I was talking to SillyWulf the other day and I found out that his birthday is on the 27th and my birthday is on the 26th. We then decided to open up a party-ish thingy on the 25th and people will be sleeping over till the 26th. It's not going to be a crazy party tho (at least I don't think), just a room, maybe a TV and DDR, lots of sleeping bags, food, some alcohol and some furries, not too many.

So we, well, he is working on an invitation (which I find is really funny and cute). He is planning to invite the Snowpuma (always wanted to meet this man with a kewl character that I couldn’t achieve with Snowleopartah) and possibly his mate (a fox in Toronto), Nayo (Saw him on Pounced, donno who), Loken (We’ve watched Watchmen together with Silly), Nick (donno who), Timber (donno who), Arius (donno who)
 and Tim (donno who but he has the option of inviting another friend).

He is letting me invite whoever. Already talked to Frisk and he said he’d probably come and I haven’t talked to Surya about it yet… okay, now I did :3

We decided that we shouldn’t let anyone bring gifts because it’s going to end up getting complicated, both of us don’t need gifts and agreed that friendship and a party is the best gift that we can get for a birthday. But we are asking everyone to donate $5~$10 for the party (you don’t need to, but will be appreciated) so that on the 24th, I can go to Silly’s place and we can get all the groceries done. I will then come back tomorrow on the 25th, to pick up Frisk, Surya (if you are coming) and Loken (if we can get a hold of him).  Go to Silly’s place, let the party begin, sleepover, wake up and see what happens from there.

We also need to know what the guys want for the party. Frisk said he wanted a female stripper (because I don’t think any females are coming), I told him it would be better if we get a male one too and put them in a huge cake. Anyways, we could do that if we have enough funds, probably not, most likely not and we won’t hope for it. But if you ask, we CAN get the type of alcohol that you’d like to have in the party, for example.

Hope it’d be a cool night. And hope everyone is coming. And also hope that the cake is coconut or strawberry.

Hopefully before September comes, I would find a full-time or few part-time job that I can start working from the start of September. Oh yeah, I gotta find a place to live too. It'd probably be China Town... ugh... I hope I would end up getting a decent job so I can live in Kensington or somewhere cool... Maybe I should also look for a roommate? I dunno.

Anyways, I did my best in the cover letter and resume. I will keep doing my best to set up my life after graduation. Next step is saving money during April and May. Then I should probably search for a job right now... It's not going to be easy, but as long as I stay hardboiled, I can accomplish anything >:3

Deliberate Brutal Love Master (DBLM)
(Look at me, I am so popular with my colourful cellphone)

People believe in you, and then you send them to hell (Man, you never know. Hell can be a kwel place.). Behold, the False Messiah.

You’re usually a very kind person (you mean always), and conscientious (hun?), too. Socially, you’re a leader (Let's go eat sushi guys. Val, pay for me please~! =3), and your friends and associates look up to you (Guys, look, I can click my tongue really loud). In intimate relationships, you’re a capable, responsive, and experienced lover (well said). Outside the box, however, you run into trouble (oh shit...).

Girls fall hard for you (right...), but you’re much more ambivalent about them (I do care, you know?). The beginnings of your relationships are unusually intense (I think I am being careful...I hope...), making it all the rougher on her when they end (Insert Big Frown). At first, using all your accumulated tricks of the trade, you ladle on the affection (Sounds like a horrible person...). But once she’s all covered in soup (sounds sexual, very sexual... in various ways), you withhold the true napkins of commitment (napkins are sometimes expensive, but if someone really needs napkin, I can go get some). What’s that all about (I'm suppose to be the one asking you)? We should’ve called you the False Waiter (Nah, Missiah sounds so much better, trust me).

You know these tests are fun at 3:00am =3

2. Singing for a long time in a Karaoke makes you sing higher. I am pretty good at singing Japanese old songs. Maybe I should practice more.

3. Eating crabs only is a like being in heaven. But there is no sea in heaven so no crabs. (Maybe heaven crabs?)  It'd be a while until I can experience heaven again.

4. My 40$ watch from Le Chateau  is not good enough. Thus my family have to buy a 5k Bulgari for me. Same for my suit, pants and my tie but not as expensive. Wait, where did the watch go? Oh right, suitcase... 

5. Cats love sashimi, but eating real sashimi causes an extreme orgasm and makes the food you eat three days after tastes like shit. Thank god I ate the crabs before I tasted Masutah's food.

6. I can hear my cousin having sex with his wife in the other room, they are very rough on each other. They ought to be gentle to each other, no?

7. I am not an "Ikemen" (Handsome Guy), rahter I am the cute type, so I shouldn't buy this type of clothes... Way to tell a person that he is not good looking enough for your merchandise.

8. Apparently I hit on every pretty non-asian girls I see in Japan according to my companions. But this one German girl was really pretty.

9. You can now play Pachinko with 1 yen per ball, the f*cking place is filled with old people. When you hit a jackpot, the amount you win is that much smaller...

10.  I learned in Japan that FBIs don't get paid much... And back in Canada I've learned that bounty hunter is a real job that still exists. My first encounter with furries had to do with bounty hunters... (an anime)

11. I found a wallet with a good $200 bucks in it; I suppressed my evil side and found the person who dropped it. Now I regret.

12. Airport officers found out that I was carrying a weapon. Yes, a fancy police baton. They took it away. I miss it.

13. They also found out that I was bringing tea to Canada when I ticked 'no' on the "Are you bringing any food to this country?" section. I told them it wasn't marijuana, and you don't really eat them so it's not really food. The angry black officer said she could fire a 300 dollar penalty for lying. I wasn't...

14. Grandmas and grandpas have cooler cell phones than I do. I take that back, grandmas and grandpas have cooler cell phones than all my friends combined. Way to be cool…

15. I can actually miss Toronto being in Japan. I’ve truly changed.

Shi (Syllable 57577)
Here, where a sparrow
Hops under a willow tree,
I do not belong.
Seen many parts of the world,
Japan takes my breath away.
-Me

Singing in the rain. I love it, no, not the musical or the movie, like literally singing in the rain.  I’ve always loved singing (my stage is the asphalt, my band members are the wind and the rain and my audience is the sky =3). I can wake the whole boarding house up when I scream; thus when I sing, I am quite loud as well (I can make you deaf >:3). My roommate is a nice guy, my neighbours are nice, I don’t want to bother them with my loud singing. Thus when it is raining outside, I head outside and sing with the wind and the rain.

One of my friends online told me that it was going to rain today, so I headed outside in a t-shirt (nice weather) and I was waiting for the storm. But then while I was in the centre of the football field waiting for Zeus to do his job, the soft ground was so comfortable, the night was so quiet and it was so cloudy that I felt like the clouds were like futons, so I fell asleep. I woke up like an hour later, it felt good. It didn’t rain later that night either, but I am content.

I hope it will rain soon though; it has been a while since I sang in the rain… Yes, it was before Valentine. But this time, I will be singing as Kazuya and not for me, but for someone else.

So this is how it feels, to be beaten by the February rain…

While the whiteness of the world slowly ebbs,

The ugliness of the world is carried into sewage and river.

And a new sign of purity wakes up from its long slumber,

Providing the sleepy world with a kiss of freshness.

So this is how it feels, to be single during the month of love.

I still recall the gentle knocks from the heaven

While we felt each other’s existence in darkness.

I use to be under an unfamiliar roof this very day,

Now I stand alone, being beaten by the February rain.

So this is how it feels, the gentle smooch of the wind.

Here finally comes a month, when we will be scarf-less,

When we wet our hair to fix the bed head. It is when

The sky shed tears for us; it is when we need to cry no more.

So here I am running, brightly smiling in the February rain.

So this is how it feels, to be a part of the solemn world.

I love the lack of silence, the unlit lights in the rooms, love

How the ground, percussion and how the wind, strings.

No one can feel my melancholy sigh, or taste my delight.

So this is how it feels, to be beaten by the February rain…
-By Kazuya (Dear Wonderful World Collection)

Other than that, I’ve decided to graduate this year for sure, my parents got their refund and all my friends and teachers are begging for reason; I told them I had none.

Nothing too special, except for the fact that… MARCH BREAK NEXT FU*KING WEE *coughs..*

Bleh…

Many things happened, actually not too much, but I had my own mental paradigm shift. I can’t explain it well so I translated a song from Japanese and turned it into a poem.


I'll be
(By Mr. children)
(Translated by: Kazuya!)

When you realize that you’ve been walking back and forth,

You gotta take a deep breath,

Then sing with the wind that enters and exits your t-shirt.

I always have this image of a desert that swallows every bit

Of life from a living creature, that never leaves a drop

Of water present; these kinds of image fuels me to get though the day.

From the top of this building, doesn’t this city look like a toy model?

Can you see the clouds, changing its shapes while it floats?

Today an elephant, tomorrow a lion; yes, like that, our hearts also are always

Free.

Prove that you exist in this world, while you bang on the door

With your feeble soul that leaves nothing but silence.

It doesn’t how many times you fail; you die and you reborn

Every day is a revolution.

Life is freestyle, it’s a free for all; if you are lonely, you gotta bear it.

But always remember to kiss the person, who wants to smile,

Then tell them that “I’ll always say yes

I’ll be there.”

The thought that I swallowed with a un-grinded peanut

Knocked my body at midnight. It got me to realize that

I can just removed the eye-mask that I’ve been wearing

Over my heart. I can be friends with solitude or chaos.

Let us fly! As if we tell our selves that there are no tomorrows,

We walk closer and closer, step by step and like that we are always

Dreaming.

Take the pistol, pull the trigger and kill the lame you.

If you were ever to choose a path that doesn’t touch or bump,

Then throw everything away, complexity is indeed another

Kind of motivation. Life has always been a Q&A,

It throws endless questions towards you and before you could

Answer all of them, you’ll be dead. But…

You’ll be back.

What you’ve gained in this world of possessions, toss them

Into a garbage shoot, then open up a blank map

That will be expressing your tomorrow.

Basically, I am quitting school after this year. I want to know what it means to live, what it means to be that broken gear in the world…

Valentine’s day was kinda fun, in fact, it was really fun for me until, of course, when I had to get my wisdom teeth removed. I don’t even know who is culpable for booking me on this retarded date, and I guess it is partly my fault that I didn’t realize I was getting my wisdom teeth removed on Valentine’s day.

It started out by going to Japanese school, which was fun, kids played nice except for this one autistic kid who kept throwing chairs (the teacher and I just agreed to ignore him). During lunch, I went to a music store while listening to Heart of the Sunrise. Then it came to me that I should really look for the music score of the song and there it was! I then realized that I didn’t have enough money for both chocolate and the music score.

After Japanese school, I went to Future Shop (where I got my ipod shuffle a day ago just to listen to music because I forgot my ipod nano in my school) and I returned the ipod shuffle which gave me about 50 bucks. I went back to the music store and bought the score. I still had about 50 with me so I went to Fairview to get a Godiva chocolate (and a Lindor in Sears). I used the rest of the money to buy a bag, a card, note book and a pen. I took the subway to go all the way to Spadina station while writing stuff on the card and writing a notice.

I arrived at Kensington Market, I broke into this person’s house and dropped off the chocolate (Sorry for breaking into your house! I was really excited about giving you the chocolate!). Then I found a neat book store which I spend until 4:30. I bought myself a Russian anthology which was really REALLY neat. I rode the subway and got to the dentist before 5 and I had my first incision at 5. It took them 2 hours and 15 minutes for the two wisdom teeth… after that incision, things never got prettier…

  Anyways, that day, I was able to compose about 8 poems, two while getting my teeth removed. Plus, I was also able to give someone chocolate, which is a first. However, when good things happen, bad shit happen later as well, although if I would to compare the good things with this agonising pain and swelling, it’s kinda worth it =3

And yeah, today is family day and I still have big cheeks (so this is what I am going to look like if I injected fat into myself…)

 When the World Leaves a Thought or an Object Behind, Something Dies Within Us That Would Never, Ever, Comeback. Only to Become Another Broken Connection

There use to be a small red chair

Right here beside this lamp post.

Use to sit on this chair,

But now it is gone…

I wonder why…

My friend asks:

“Do You

Care?”
-By: Kazuya

                If you have read Murakami Haruki’s Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, that’s kind of what’s happening to me at the moment…  No, I didn’t have phone sex; I didn’t have a psychic prostitute raping me in my dreams and no, crazy stuff like that didn’t happen. But it is as if my life is entering another part, not chapter. Many new characters are being introduced in my life and different things are happening around me.

                I made new awesome friends, I found a little Plato in my boarding house (he can understand my philosophical thoughts… very few do…) who is going to be staying with me (because he has place to stay over the long weekend) over the weekend (ugh, what a pain in the arse…) and different girls are talking and sticking their nose into my life which is fine, but I’m not happy about how there is a rumour in my school that I made out with multiple of them… I didn’t.

                I am having my own little metamorphosis here, stuff in my brain has to be sorted and I am changing, in a good way. I am opening up bit by bit due to many reasons and I am becoming friendlier with other individuals, I am willing to draw, I have the sudden urge to play bass (due to prog rock) and I have the great urge to write, write, write, read and write. In that sense though, I hate school more and more because it’s licking my time away. Hopefully, I don’t fail… like, as in Asian fail (this means nothing below 83%).

I am blaming all these things on the birds that came back to Toronto way too early this year. They sit there in their nest, all poofed up and probably shivering due to the cold weather (well, it’s getting better). Chirping and singing their songs of spring outside of my window, during February. Gosh, I hope they have something to eat, maybe I will leave some chip crumbles outside of my window… Oh well, I am liking the way this train is heading. Hopefully, the old junk won’t crash sending me into a pile of mess. We need to know that we are always breathing, when we are in a state of disorder.

“Noburu Wataya,

Where are you?

Did the wind-up bird

Forget to wind your sping?”
- The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Murakami Haruki

Oh yes I did...
         I drew a snow leopard with my glasses, my hairstyle, my scarf, my hoodie-button-sweater and my jeans.  It didn't look horrible, but it wasn't something that I can brag about either. I am still looking for a distinct style that I can stick with; there are many types of furries out there. The one I am thinking of doing is taking Blotch’s style and make the furries more human-like, like adding human hair, and make the furries less realistic, like making them a bit more manga-like. I still have much to practice, and hopefully over time I would be able to draw one easily without having to erase the page over and over again.

            I am going to stick with the design of this little snow leopard, that’s supposed to be me. I feel sorry for the poor fur ball, though, because he doesn’t have a cool story behind him. So I’ve gathered up my stories (usually about philosophy, femme fatal or it is a memoir) and I briefly looked through them to find any ideas…

            I thought the name Monokuro would be perfect for him, and the very moment I wrote this, he just grumbled. Age 17, same as mine; unlike other snow leopards, his fur consists of only shades of grey and his hair color is ash grey which is the hair color that I am going to be having when I turn 18. He wears the same clothes as I usually do (clean & stylish), wears a chain on his neck that occasionally change and wears a leather ring on one of his fingers (If I have it on my thumb, it means I have something to do that I can’t forget).

            Snow leopards are agile, they are able to climb mountains and fall from a high platform; so can I and snow leopard Monokuro (he grumbled again). Hence snow leopard = snowboarding (duh…), snow leopard Monokuro (he left... lol) and I can snowboard…

This is going to take way too long so I’m going to say that everything that I can do, snow leopard Monokuro can do them as well… As for history and personality, I would post them up later. Don’t want every one of my post to be an essay :3